Dear Dirtbags of the World---
Thank you so much for breaking into our car last night & stealing our stuff. Your mothers must be proud of how low-life & filthy their children have become. I appreciate that you so kindly broke off our entire exterior door handle while trying to carry out your plan. We were tired of it anyways, but just have never found the time to rip it off ourselves yet. I'm so glad to find that while you were tearing the dash and all of it's components completely apart to steal our stereo, that you stil had enough time to kick-back, relax, and enjoy smoking your cigarettes in our car- --I know it was probably the hardest work you've done in your life, and therefore the smokes were a well-deserved break.
It was wonderful to see your work ethic in your endeavors to rummage through every knook and cranny possible to be sure you didn't miss anything even remotely valuable, while managing to throw everything from those locations (paper, garbage, miscellaneous items) all over our car.
Oh yes, and thank you for so kindly taking all of our cds with you as you left, as well as Brad's greasy dirty coat. I'm assuming you needed the cd's to listen to while you wait at the laundry mat as you're probably taking the coat to be dry cleaned .... in which case I'm glad you were able to find and take every single & last penny (cause that's the only type of coin there was at the time) out of our ashtray with you, as I realize laundry mats aren't free. I'm assuming you will be returning the newly laundered coat promptly.
And how could I forget?! Ripping off & taking the tachometer right off the dash as you left was a long awaited blessing. It was SO annoying there.
Much Thanks,
The Dixons
(who you'll be sorry you stole from if we ever find you)
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